Ode to the Spirit of the Bulldog
Wine Dog just lounges around a wine shop. Occasionally he recommends a wine to someone. He’s only able to point out with his paw the bottles on the lower shelves. If he stares at the ceiling you’re just gonna have to pick a bottle on one of the higher shelves until he barks. Wine Dog is a bulldog and I’m convinced that’s why he’s working there. Bulldogs get all the cool jobs. I’m trying to figure out why.
Bulldogs look like ham on legs.
They look funny. They breathe funny. They have an underbite and snaggleteeth taken directly from some kind of medieval spike pit of doom. And then there’s that giant throw rug of a tongue. And what about all those facial wrinkles? If Joan Rivers had a worst nightmare, it would be turning into a bulldog. Plastic surgery? Oh gawd yes please! But I guess that’s part of the appeal. They’re a part of the ugly cute phenomenon. And that could be one reason why we see them everywhere.
On trucks here:
Yes, they’re everywhere. One could say they are the Lindsay Lohans and Charlie Sheens of dogs. But they’re better than that. They don’t do drugs or make up silly rants. Some of them do ride skateboards and even have their own tour buses:
And some of them get great seats at football games:
Uga is the mascot for University of Georgia. Following closely behind the eagle and the tiger, the bulldog is the third most popular college mascot. So, yeah, the number one dog mascot. And I believe they’re number one because there’s something unreal looking about them. They look like a cartoon. They look, well, like a mascot should look.
Looks matter to some degree. But the bulldog’s popularity has a lot to do with attitude as well. I’ve heard bulldogs called lazy. But they are also the exact opposite at times. I’ve seen them run around for hours. They’ll chase flies or ride skateboards or chew on something to complete exhaustion. So lazy is not really the most accurate description. I’ve heard them called stubborn. But anyone who truly knows the bulldog knows that stubbornness is really determination in disguise. They are determined to eat, determined to chase objects with wheels, determined to jump on objects with wheels, determined to chew cans and bottles, determined to walk in the direction they want to walk in, determined to not walk at all. It’s this kind of determination that makes them what they are. It’s the bulldog’s spirit of determination that we truly admire. One of the main reasons they are the big dog on campus.
Americans have certainly been called stubborn. We’ve definitely been called lazy. Yes, we can be both of these. But these adjectives used to describe us usually come from those who do not truly know us. Good old fashioned American determination found cures for diseases like polio. And if we appear lazy, it is only because we are resting for something bigger. Yes, we are a lot like the bulldog. We get the job done. I would say we’re ugly cute.
Go out now and find a bulldog. They’re everywhere you look. Give them a kiss (it can be an air kiss) and tell them how proud you are to be an American. And if you’re not American, just tell them how proud you are of your own country. How proud you are of them as ugly beautiful dogs. How proud you are of yourself.