I have a bone to pick. No, really I do.

Posts tagged “Life

Where I Don’t Want To Go For Summer Vacation

by Runderdog

 I’m sure this doggie day care place is fine and all on the inside. But boy does it not look like doggie penitentiary from the outside? With all the concertina wire around the top of the fence, I would not consider myself one of the “lucky dogs on vacation” if I stayed here. And does the dog on the sign not look like he wants desperately to be taken away from here? “Please, I’m innocent I tell ya,” his face seems to say.

It looks like someone threw a towel up on top of the barbed wire in an attempt to escape. I am picturing a Bulldog lifting weights back here. Maybe a couple of Boxers trading smokes. A Pug running around as the prison bitch (meaning female dog, of course).

Seeing places like this makes me want to be a better dog. Talk about your negative motivation.


Signs They Don’t Like Us

by Runderdog

Apparently DUANEreade wants to make it clear that they don’t want dogs in the store. They’ve put up two signs to tell us that. And I think it’s because the sign on the left, the “official” one, just doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure, but is that a picture of a dog, or a seahorse? I’m going to guess it’s a dog-sea horse combo. Of course, you’re not going to let a dog-seahorse into the store. If that were the case, someone would be holding a dead one, or a nearly dead and flopping around one, in his hand. Or perhaps they would be carrying a large saltwater aquarium into the store, and then they would go to the back and ask the pharmacist to watch the dog-seahorse while they find Robutussin.

And you’re not allowed to “permit” me? As in I’m going to come in ask, “Do you have a permit for me, kind sirs?” No? And now you are kicking me out? Not only will you not permit me, but you’re also telling me to go? And why can’t you give me a “permit”? Why? You can give that “service dog” over there one, but not me? Why not? Where are you taking me? I’d like to buy something. These cookies right here. At least let me eat them.

So, yeah, I’m confused. At the bottom of the sign it says “Exception: (service dogs)”. First of all, a word about the parenthesis. Are service dogs so delicate you need to place them under the care of parenthesis? I say they can take care of themselves without the loving arms of parenthesis. Oh I get it. By giving them parenthesis, you’re giving them a special force field to enter the store. And why an exception for these (service dogs)? Don’t get me wrong. I mean I appreciate (service dogs). They do great things like help blind people. But I’m a service dog (No, I don’t need the parenthesis, thank you very much), too. Yes, a service dog, so to speak. I fetch things. I provide the service of entertainment. And the service of barking to alert my owner when I don’t like the way something looks. And I give my owners, and the dog runner, stuff to clean up–that’s a service you won’t find anywhere else. So, I’m allowed in?

“NO, I don’t think so!” says the second sign on the right. The sign of all signs. The sign to clear everything up. So you do not “allow” dogs, huh? So, what if the person I’m with “allows” me? Would that work? No? Does this sign mean service dogs are no longer allowed, as well? What about dog-seahorses?


Why Am I So Tired?

Many people have asked this age old question. And I’m about to reveal the answer.Take a look at this man. He’s one of the few people who can really say he’s tired. He’s not only too tired, he’s two tired. Yet he keeps going. Even though the others have Donlop-ped him once, maybe even twice, around this track of life, he keeps going. While you, you just sit on your butt. Think your life is a drag? Get over it. You’re just lazy. So get out there and do it, man. Or woman. Or whatever the case may be. Come on! No more hydroplaning through your life. Keep on treading along. You’re gonna have a good year!